Failure #1

I never knew it was going to be hard. Hard, yes to give them up to another family after having them in your house for weeks or months, but I never imagined I would have to give them up to got back to the shelter. In fact, I told myself that would not happen and that was the only way I could do this was knowing they were going to a home. I was wrong. Sheba and the babies had to go back to the shelter last night. She wanted nothing to do with the puppies unless I forced her to take care of them. I got scared that she was rejecting them. All she wanted was to be with me; she followed me everywhere, which is what is killing me. I feel like I dumped her just like probably every other human in her life. I literally cried all day yesterday. Taking them back was the second most difficult things I've done that's animal-related, next to putting a cat to sleep. I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares last night, but I was so exhausted I think I just passed out into a black fog all night. But the coordinator said this happens a lot, that dogs have to come back. That some foster homes don't work out. But I didn't want to be a failure. I feel like I failed Sheba and the babies, even though everyone, including Susan tells me otherwise. The only bright spot is that I think once the puppies are gone, she will be a better dog. She will be okay with men once there are no puppies to protect. And I can go visit her and work with her, which I will do, and Ray said he will come with me. I feel like I owe it to her to get her to a place where she can be adopted and not have anyone take her back to that place.

So, we have the option of trying again. One of two puppies who need TLC and medical care, one more so than the other. One puppy. I think I can do it. So, we try again. And this time, we pray for a happier outcome.