Fiona

 Fiona. She's in foster care, though not with me.

Just another day at the office

      Today, Ray had some business at the shelter before we opened. While he was in a meeting, I was in the front office, when two employees came in to get me. I went out the side door and they pointed down the driveway at a pile of what looked like trash. One employee told me that he and the other guy had been standing in the driveway when a car pulled in going the wrong way, started unloading items onto the side of the driveway, then backed out and sped off. The people in the car saw the employees point at them, so they were careful to leave before our staff members could see the license plate. As the three of us walked toward the pile, which we could see contained a large container of cat litter, one of the guys said "I think I see a cat." Sure enough, behind the pile was a small wire crate containing a large black and white cat. So the jerks had dumped the cat along with what probably amounted to close to $50 worth of supplies, including the wire crate that appeared to be brand new. We get animals dumped all the time, but this is the boldest daytime dumping I have ever seen. I would pose my usual question, which by now has become rhetorical, asking "what the $%^& is wrong with people" but I know the answer. There are many humans that are nothing more than "biological trash."
       The next excitement happened when we opened. A new, underage,volunteer came in to walk dogs and decided that instead of doing what I tell them to do, which is check in with the staff when they first get there, he went on his own and tried to get a dog out of the kennel who proceeded to let the dog run loose in our main kennel. Instead of trying to catch the dog, he was more worried about getting the kennel door shut while this loose dog ran directly toward one of the dog that really hates other dogs. I ran down to catch the dog and nearly got bitten trying to corral the dog. His mother in the meantime was in the cat room (she was supposed to be supervising her son), so I had to retrieve her and give her a lecture about our policies, which put me in an awkward position since she and I are in a 10 week class for work. While I tried to steer him toward working with the dogs in the small dog room, he refused to take my hint and continued to insist he wanted to walk big dogs. All this AFTER his mother told me the kid has NEVER been around dogs before. Sigh. We need volunteers, but ones that have some damn common sense. I'm the "liability police" and situations like that are the reason my hair stylist has to dye my roots every 4 weeks.
      Then we got in a dog with severe mange, another husky/malamute (we now have 5), and an owner surrender with nails that look like they had never been cut. This just illustrates the challenges we who work or volunteer in a shelter environment face. It's a balance between what is best for the animals, dealing with the "customers" or volunteers in a fair way, and trying to make space for animals when they keep coming in the front door and going into homes in an unequal proportion.

Foster Failure x 2

I have given up on fostering. The last two dogs we have foster we ended up keeping now we are at three dogs. I'm at my max of animals (per our city ordinance). But I haven't given up on volunteering. Those are the stories you will see here.

Totally heartbroken

I have no other way to describe how I have felt for the last 24 hours. It is a sucker punch to the gut, bent-over and cannot breath kind of feeling that comes in third to what I have felt before when my dog Jack died and my friend Floyd died.

I know Harriet hasn't died, but her connection to me has, and that's what I mourn. She is with someone else now. I don't know how she is. Is she eating? Is she scared? Is she hurt, wondering why I sent her away? Ray says I'm ascribing a human reaction to what Harriet is experiencing right now. But we all know dogs mourn. They get depressed and sad. And to think she might be feeling that way because of me is part of what is tearing me in two right now. If I thought she had already forgotten about me, I think I'd be able to deal with it. But I can't see it. I feel like we bonded too strongly for that to happen yet, and so the pain of what is happening to that bond right now is what is just shattering me emotionally.

I thought I could do this. I really believed I'd be able to have a dog here and then be able to let it go and feel like I did the right thing. I did feel that way when Jimmy got adopted. I never felt he was my dog, even though I had some much emotion invested in him having gone through Parvo. But this is different. I knew the night she walked into my house that she was my dog. I didn't feel this way with either Sheba or Jimmy. When we found out that there was no way for us to keep her, I started letting things she did annoy me as defense mechanism. It's why people get into fights right before they're about to say goodbye to each other-it's easier to let go of someone you're angry at.

So I tried to be angry, but anger only works to mask the pain for so long before it fails. And my anger failed. And now I sit here with a pile of crumpled tissues wondering what to do. How do I go on from this? How do I just put her out of my mind and move on? Hurt like this does not go away overnight. I know this for a fact. But I cannot put myself through weeks more of this. I cannot feel this way again. It's crushing. It's almost too much for me to bear. And maybe it's brought up all the old hurt too. So one hurt piling on top of another and the weight of it is bearing down all at once. Or maybe I just loved her. And I just miss her. And I will always miss her. And somehow I have to let her go. But I'm not there yet. And I don't know how long it will take for me to ever be there. And right now, I just want my dog back.

Good news and bad news

First the good news. Harriet is doing so well, eating a little better, going outside with only one accident in the last 36 hours. She's getting along with the cats. She loves everyone who walks in the door. She's sweet and gives kisses and wants nothing more than to be loved. She seems to be responding well to the heartworm treatment, and is not exhibiting any side effects.

The bad news: We can't adopt her.

Ray and I found out today what it meant when they told us she was scheduled to go to rescue after September 26th. The rescue has fronted the money for her treatment, and so essentially they have already adopted her. So it looks like September 25th will be our last day with her.

Initially, the news hit me like a punch to the throat. I tried not to burst into tears right in the THHS lobby. Good thing Ray was with me, otherwise, I probably would have. But I've had a couple hours to adjust to the news, and my heart is still broken, I just like with Jimmy, I realize that this is part of the mission, and the mission is the important thing right now. She will be going to a GOOD, safe place, and that's the goal of fostering--to help dogs get to the place that is right for them. And so, I will try to look at this as a success on September 25th. But ask me again on the 26th.

What a difference a day makes!

Harriet has been renamed Bridget. And she now goes outside on her own! Last night, she started wanting out the front door,so I put on her leash and she went outside and peed right away in the front yard. So we progressed from that step around 10 PM last night to by 10 AM today, her going in and out the back door all on her own! I am just amazed! We've (knock on wood) had NO accidents in the house, and she's eating a little better. She's exploring the house, nearly getting on the bed (I know, I know. It' just easier if she will at least sleep IN the bedroom. My neck is killing me from this couch!). The progress she is making is just tremendous! Of course, there will still be bumps. I know that. But her transformation has given me so much peace of mind.

The most important thing we are working on now is keeping her activity level down. She's gained so much confidence and she sop happy, she just wants to play and run around and we have to keep her quiet. So the next step is crating her. I have the crate in the living room, and we're working on getting her adjusted to it and going into it. Once that's mastered, we will really be able to contain her, especially when we're gone. Right now, we close off the living room and so she has a small area, and she just sleeps, as she is right now in the photo below. Keep your fingers crossed for her continued progress!

Foster "Failure" Number 1?

We got a request to take a heartworm positive dog undergoing treatment. We agreed to take Harriet, so we brought her home last night.

She is gorgeous, they think a rough-coat Collie/Lab mix. Look at the photo and see what you think. She is having a couple issues though.

First, she's REALLY afraid in the house. I had to sleep on the couch last night while she slept on the floor because she wouldn't leave the living room. It's not a big deal, but I just wish I could make her feel more comfortable here.

Maybe the more troubling issue is that she refuses to go outside. And I'm not talking that she's having trouble with housebreaking--a few accidents today--no, I mean she will NOT go outside. She refuses to walk out the door. I have to carry her outside, then carry her back inside. Once outside, she's fine. She pees right away, and enjoys being outside. She she's not afraid to BE outside, but to GET outside. No idea how to deal with this. I've had dogs who didn't really want to come inside because they're having fun, but not like this. And she's not light, probably close to 50 pounds, though she's underweight at that. I'm trying not to stress her out too much; she's having trouble adjusting as it is, but she really can't be peeing in the house all the time.

I guess because she's such a gentle soul, I bonded to her really fast, and hence the title. I don't know if I can give her up. Our ONE concern was how she would do with the cats, and so far, she's been great. One cats is totally fine with her. The other is still not happy, but then it took him longer to tolerate Jimmy too.

This is hard. I didn't really expect to want to keep one so soon, so I'm giving myself a week to see how she adjusts to us and the cats. We're supposed to keep her four weeks until her last heartworm treatment, but I feel like after a week, I'll know better if she's going to stay. For now, she's here at least until September 26th.